Masculinity and 40 year old virgins

Candace, 01 November 2005, Comments Off on Masculinity and 40 year old virgins
Categories: Activism, Audiocast, Culture, Family, Feminism, Feminist Theory, Masculinity, Podcast, Sexism, Sexuality, Third Wave, Women's Studies

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I saw the movie. And while I was also in shock at the way women were discussed and treated, I laughed at the main character Andy while he tried to navigate the pressures to be what a man is ‘supposed’ to be and do what a man is ‘supposed’ to do.

Just as women face stereotypes to behave a certain way, so do men. Men are somehow supposed to be sexual experts, responsible for their own pleasure as well as somehow reading the minds of their partners in order to provide their pleasure as well. Stereotypes prescribing male behaviour are just as damaging as those proscribing that for females.

There is a need for a broader education for men, just as there is for women. More stories of being a father, son, brother, and lover are needed to counter historical tales of historical political leaders and to provide insight for future fathers, sons, brothers, and lovers.

This education needs to begin in with non-gender specific parenting in early childhood. It should include skill building in all necessary skills: creating a home, finding and preparing food, maintaining and repairing the home and all its technology as well as the skills for use in the larger world (like reading and writing, banking, going places, etc.)

There is a need for family-friendly work environments that consider family obligations of both male and female employees. Accomodations should be in place so that people can meet the needs of their families. Employees do not exist in a blackhole, devoid of attachments.

Without this sort of progress, we will easily return to the gender stereotypes, for women as well as men, that feminism has struggled so hard to tear down.


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  1. Tara Mckee
    03 November 2005, 9:40 am

    You are fabulous! It was great chatting with you. Thank you for providing a space to get women together to discuss sexuality…it’s so necessary and needs to happen more an more – ACCESS to KNOWLEDGE creates POWER!

  2. greym@tters
    17 February 2006, 7:53 pm

    Well thank you!

    I totally agree feminism needs to push this idea more.

    You can’t talk about feminity without masculinity.

    I think about your thoughts on “no-gender specific parenting” and how difficult this would be. I mean you pretty much have to watch your self constantly to make sure your not leaning one way or another. It sure would up the load and responsibility of parents if this beviour among parents was enforced enmass.

    I coninually repespect and admire your thoughts and your hard work.

    Keep it up!

  3. Mea Kennedy
    14 March 2006, 3:58 pm

    I am a criminology student and was completely shocked by this movie. Furthermore, I have been consistently shocked by discussions of this movie because the violence against women promoted by the film seems to elude most people. The nightclub scene is one where his friends offer him a tactic for “getting laid”, which consists of finding the drunkest woman in the bar and taking her home. What people do not seem to realize is that this fits the legal definition of sexual assault. In fact it is premeditated sexual assault promoted as typical normal male behaviour. Young boys who see this movie, and who aren’t interested in finding love just yet are likely prone to taking up such advice. Such overt violence not even registering with most people is very powerful evidence of the wide acceptance of rape myths.

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