So you wanna be valentines…

Candace, 14 February 2006, No comments
Categories: Culture, Feminism

It’s like there are really 2 different versions of Valentine’s Day: the one where grown-ups or grown-up wanna-be’s exchange gifts, followed by dinner, a movie, and a bounce. It’s not that unlike the other holidays here in Can-America. Of course, all the Valentiney ‘stuff’ is for heteros – I didn’t see any cards this year for same sex couples. There were plenty of husband/wife and girlfriend/boyfriend cards, but none for girlfriends or boyfriends to exchange. Harumph.

Entry for the Feminist Valentine Blog Awards

This version of the holiday is also the one where women and men have preset roles and obligations (think dominant/submissive, flowers, chocolate, lace, sex), and even some self-declared feminists get goose-pimply and deck out in pink and red for this day of celebrating Loooove. This holiday is the one where a year full of shoddy treatment and neglect is forgiven by a bouquet of flowers and some chocolate – and sex. If we pretend the love game on V-day, the relationship can carry on for another year. When I was married, we ignored V-Day as much as every other day of the year. We weren’t fooling anyone.

The other version of the holiday is the twisted game the kids play. The one where they each have to bring in little pieces of paper – one for every kid in the class, no ‘friends only’ trading – and pass these out at lunchtime. The cards are usually store bought and branded with whichever television or pop character is trendy this year. They all say “Be my Valentine” or “You’re cool, Valentine” or some such hideous phrase that no child would ever say outloud to their classmate, but yet on Valentine’s Day, on a slip of paper, it’s okay.

Why do we do this???????

Year after year of these silly little boxes filled with papers, headed straight to be recycled (if we’re lucky) or landfilled (if we’re not)!! When all the cards say the same thing (because there are only four different designs in the box) how can the message be meaningful? And even worse – what if the message were meaningful? How would you ever know/tell?

Of course, it’s not easy to not play along. If you’re in a relationship and you don’t valentine your sweetie, are you cold and callous? If you’re the only kid in the class who doesn’t bring in valentine cards how do you deal with that?

If you’re going to ask me to be your valentine, you’d better not wait until Feb. 14th to act like a suitable candidate. Love is something you should celebrate everday, not just under obligation of the calendar. Set a timer for rice or cookies but please, not for telling me you love me.


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  1. […] 개합니다. 그나저나, 이곳을 알게된 블로그에 이런 글이 있더군요. So you wanna be valentines… If you’re going to ask me to be your valen […]

  2. Kara
    18 February 2006, 1:45 pm

    Interesting Idea. I choose not to celebrate Valentines day for all the reasons you mentioned above. Who are we kidding? If it takes “this” day to show others that you really care about them then there is something wrong. I heard two radio announcers say that people who did not celebrate Valentines day for all those “cheesy” reasons were just kidding themselves….I really think the joke is on them…only these days Valentines day wont carry your relationship on for another year.. you’ll be lucky if it lasts another day…*Sigh* where has simplicity gone? Hope all is well….miss talking to you!

  3. Administrator
    27 February 2006, 1:20 pm

    It’s good to hear from you Kara!

    I don’t think Vday or the idea of a Vdayish holiday has to be bad. I’ve been in a relationship for going on three years and it’s very different than other relationships I’ve had. We don’t need Vday to celebrate, but on the other hand, it’s nice to have special occasions. Rituals do break up the monotony and drudgery of working all the time – and I like to celebrate whenever I can. I don’t think however that any of it has to get all commercial and out of whack. But then I’m a minimalist.

    Hope to hear from you again ~ take care.

  4. lesbian rape
    20 April 2006, 12:07 pm

    Many peoples use this way of culture. Nice article but need more comment for discuss.

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